Reflection for Church

I had to write this scripture reflection for church, and thought I'd share it here too.

“I will take away your stubborn heart and give you a new heart and a desire to be faithful. You will have only pure thoughts.” Ezekiel 36:26

I never thought of myself as a stubborn or hard-hearted person until I became a parent. Yet, in the middle of the night, I find myself not-so-sympathetic to a very fussy little teether. The minutes and then hours pass by and my patience wears thin. First, I think angry thoughts. Then, I say angry words. I push her aside and then stubbornly refuse to pick her up when she cries for me. I reflect on blissful nights of sleep before I was a parent, remembering how I didn’t have to answer to anyone. I blame her for destroying it all.

In the morning, I’m disappointed in myself, but I make excuses like “I’m just not one of those people who functions well on three hours of sleep” and “Must be those postpartum hormones still affecting me.” But I know it’s a lie. Unlike my daughter, I’m an adult perfectly capable of controlling my own words and actions. I wish I could claim this “monster-me” isn’t the real me, but when I am honest with myself, I realize that I am a sinner in need of a new heart, better faith, and much purer thoughts. Faith in God requires that I step back for a minute, leaving anger and stubbornness behind in order to recognize that the small challenges God gives me to cope with are nothing compared to the rich blessings in my life.

God, I believe that you will give me a new heart, if only I am willing to let you enter in. Give me the faith to call on you throughout the day and in the middle of the night. Let my thoughts be of you and in you. Amen.

Ann Ledbetter